At present, we’re about two weeks into cuffing season. It’s a busy time of year. So let’s keep it funky. You need an organized way to keep au courant on the choices for “Winter Boo 2010”. My method? The Team Roster. No, not the Giants type team roster. My Team Roster.
It’s what I call all dating prospects when speaking to the girls. Just for fun, but here’s the breakdown and an example for each term:
- “The Team”: all members are someone of interest on one of the several possible levels outlined below
~ Self explanatory usage. In short, it’s where you want to be.
- “might make the draft”: when a person is seen to have potential,they might make the draft. Team Owner is still deciding whether or not to draft them for The Team
~ “Met this guy on Saturday – tall, handsome, smart…if his parole officer says its okay he’s single, he might make the draft.”
- “in the game”: you’re playing well, probably getting regular dates, either haven’t screwed up (making you part of the starting line-up) or have rectified a screw up well enough to retain your status and still have potential
~ “Oh, Clifford*? He’s in the game – we had dinner Wednesday and I’m seeing him again on Friday.” *Listen, leave me alone with my T.I.P. fascination, okay?! Don’t judge me!
- “on the bench”: you are on The Team, but on the sidelines either as punishment and having been downgraded, or a simple “time out” due to better players in the game – there just isn’t room for everyone in every game. This isn’t the PeeWee Leagues – everyone does NOT get a chance to go to Disneyland a trophy.
~ “Bad news: I had to bench the new guy. Blew up my phone and left 3 voicemails in one hour. We don’t get down like that.”
- ”Team Captain”: you are Derek Jeter the front runner for Winter Boo status and considered an MVP. Don’t get it twisted though. See that full bench behind you? They’re ready to take your spot. Stay sharp!
~ “He sent my favorite flower, loves my writing, and can make my head spin with his pipe game me laugh at anything – I think we have a new Team Captain!”
- “Visiting All-Star”: you are worthy of being on The Team and are rarely benched or traded, rather allowed to get in the game when the team schedule allows. You are a Free Agent, and The Team is not trying to sign you to a contract. You are only asked to show up and suit up on game day.
~ “Nah, I’m coming to the party solo. XYZ is just a visiting all-star, he’s not my man.”
- “Cleared the Bench”: got rid of the “standbys”. This can happen for any number of reasons, including the request of a particularly special Team Captain or even just a general want to upgrade the talent. As Team Owner, I might just go Steinbrenner on that ass and clear it out of being underwhelmed. Can’t have a losing team, and an empty bench beats losers sitting on it. Team Owner can draft again when moved to do so.
~Self explanatory usage. I told everyone to STEP!
- “traded”: got rid of one, replaced with another – even a benched player CAN be traded for another benched player
~ “Yeah, he didn’t last. Had to trade him before we even got to the second date.”
And that’s the basic structure of The Team. The girls and I have great fun discussing at length over cocktails. Leave me a comment, shoot me an email – tell me how cuffing season’s treating you so far! ::blows whistle:: Get in the game! ::slaps your ass::
Oh, sorry. Team Owner’s privilege.
Are you serious?
truely funny..men have been talking about starting line ups for years…but i love the way u layed it down…genious
hilarious. u get points for being a chick and using all those sports references. i woulda messed them all up!